Listen to the Beat

i ask myself so many times in my life now.why do i always let myself myself feel this way..dont i deserve much better in life..have i not been good enough to evryone and to him if so why must i always end up getting all this fuck up pain! i know he loves me but is that really how you show it to me? not bothering how i am or what are the things that happen in my life now while you seem to enjoying life has to offer you! yesss who am i but just your girlfriend always waiting to hear from you in whatever way i can but you never did...u always made me hope for something when you can't handle it at all in the first place.you are the worst of the worst i should say but in my heart still im forgiving you eventhough you are not even asking for it. but no more...i have my limites and somehow it has reach the limit of what i can do.can you get it?! i love you this much so much that im really hurting myself but you...never see this at all...all you think about is for your own good.you told me once i was self pity myself when actually it was you along who does it not me..im working so hard to keep this alive but what about you...u never care and that is the truth..i cnt believe i let myself be carry away by someone like you...how could you?i have given you everything even my own heart but it seems its not enough for you.silly i know for still waiting like this to you because i really do love you this much but i fear the more i keep on doing this the more i will be so hurt..do you get it? was i ever part of your plan in life? was i ever love by you?...

i guess one of the things that i hate the most is not getting what i really want. i actually didnt see it till i was in this relationship. i became selfish but since we started this whole long distance thing i learn alot and i have change. though im not really sure if the other party has done his work. being in a relationship i notice is no joke!its really hard work and lots of pains and hurts...right now in my relationship with my boyfriend i feel its getting so bad. there is no way of contacting each other. in the end if we do talk we always end up fighting. i always end up hurting so much. but he does not know or even notice it. thats the most painful part for me. the people have seen how i have been lately and my friends well most of them told me to just break it off. they can see that im hurting so much now but i still believe. gosh! as i write this i sound so niave so foolish....why do i still want to be with someone who clearly does not see my worth? i really dont know..but i do know one thing this thing i have still left for him will one day be run out and when it does that will be the day....i really love him alot. he said he loves me too but why is he doing this to me?...to us?....are we really meant to be?