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First Love




I wanted to give this to him but i thought maybe its not a good idea afterall...its silly but i actually just dreamt of him just before the clock hits 12 midnight (New year). i miss him but i must stop it. its gone and he has someone else now. I will find the right guy..someday for now..i will be happy no more tears and no more what i used to be...this coming year will be a different year..i will not let anyone hurt me like that and make a fool out of me like that ever again...i will be strong for myself and family. before i become that person..i just wanna say.." i will miss you my old self..and good bye....."
Listen @ 7:53 PM





Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?


I cant believe that this year will be ending soon..so many things had happen..i can still some of them while others im still desperately trying to forget..i know what i said in my last blog was that i have moved on which i have actually. I never have his heart from the start because it still belongs to his first love....i am truly understanding that part now. he and i were never meant to be in the first place. i have been trying to be part of his world and his heart so much that i lost my true self. Resulting the most painful part for me..letting go.


it was so hard for me to do that though God knows i have tried so much but i simply cant get him out of my heart..its not about what happen between us because thats another case but its just different to explain really...is it silly? or just plain stupid? i really felt such a fool by him. i thought he means it but all he wants is "easy things" to happen therefore when something really hard he easily gives up like as if no one will be hurt...what a fool i was indeed?!

anyways, despite all the nasty things that happen. i did learn so many things as well. i feel so different even my heart now. all i know is that i will never be like before weak and easily step and played by heartless people who i never did anything to them in the first place. life is so hard sometimes to understand but its also hard to explain on why these kind of things happen.

i wish i can hate him...but i am not that kind of person maybe he is i dont know but i still love him eventhough i know he loves someone else. its so ironic because i always read these but when it actually happen to me in real life its just so hard to deal with. mostly if he was your true love....but fairytales are not real anyways and there is no such thing as "happily ever after" in life...i just dont see any magic into believing it anymore....its really a very childish thought but to be honest thats how i make my life more beautiful because i know realities are so hard to understand but for me with my "magic" to believe in it despite all the odds it just makes it easy to do....but sadly no one understands me on that and thinks im crazy or childish.....i wish someone sees me really...for who i am......i know he is very happy and i am happy too but my heart is simply missing the one thing that made it beat so much and no matter flaws we both had for each other i never stop what i felt because to me he was prefect and beautiful...sadly, he never saw this and just point a finger for what had happen.....

"Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable.
It's a fact that we're gonna get down to it.
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too"

Listen @ 1:26 PM



Realizing

so many things had happen this year. some were so painful to say while others, words are just not enough to say it. I have been blessed with so many things even the painful ones i take them as one of my blessing as well. Life has so many colours which i thought at first was just a story i always end up reading but in reality life is much more than that indeed. i hate and love it to be honest. i hate the fact that things that seems so great can actually be so hurtful actually. then things which i thought will never come true in my wildest dream is going to happen. I always thought that there are only three things in life that matter the most. these are family, career and love. though all of these do matter i missed out something too. its self achievement. we need to feel that we are secure with our own self before achieving the rest of our lives. i thought i have reach that level but actually i don't yet...i still am and I'm glad at what i see about my life now. I'm not like before i can see that thought there is still some part of me misses something i know in time i will meet the one person who will really love me for me and could love me more than i can. I have to let time be time. i feel so grown up now well I'm not sure if i am really but i pray i would completely be change into someone who i am not really. i guess that things that happen made me realize that i can never please anyone and that no matter how much i give myself to the one i love with all my heart but when that person simply never really sees me and my worth all this while then it will not go anywhere indeed. i cried so much. it was the first time in my life. i have learn never to be like that again.

i guess i will end here for today. New Year is coming so near and there are so many things to do. New year, new heart and a new life. i saw these quote and i like it so much..

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."






see you next year! mwahh!
Listen @ 1:49 PM



Single for the holidays


Four ways to stay in the holiday spirit when you're on you own.


If you're single during the holiday season, it can sometimes seem like the universe is out to get you with all the plus-one office parties and diamond ring commercials and couples rubbing noses in the cold, cold snow. (OK, I made up that last one, but doesn't it feel that way sometimes?) Stay strong during party-and-present season with these ideas for proud singles everywhere.

Start a personal tradition

Every year, I watch Meet Me In St. Louis, decorate and make magic squares, those sticky bars made with condensed milk, coconut and chocolate chips. It's never on the same day - whenever I feel the Christmas spirit starting, on goes the DVD and out comes my gold eight-inch Ikea tree. Starting a tradition that's just for you is a healthy way to evoke the holiday spirit without feeling lonely. "I always buy a pair of Christmas pyjamas around the beginning of December," says Jennifer, a 34-year-old divorcee from Vancouver. "It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I do all my wrapping in them."

Buy yourself a gift (and don't open it!)

If you're the type to peek under the tape or scarf down all the cookies so you have to bake more, then this will be a challenge. Buy something you covet, big or small, it's up to you and your budget. Wrap it in pretty paper or take it to a pro so it's extra-special. Hide it in the closet until after all the holiday hullabaloo is finished and try to keep it there. "Last year, I bought this amazing little black dress on sale just before Christmas and I wanted to wear it New Year's Eve. I had it wrapped at the store and took it to my mom's so I wouldn't open it before," says 30-year-old Marie from Toronto. "Even though the mystery was gone, it made me so happy to have one more present after it was all over."

Plan a festive night in

Game nights, holiday movie marathons, cookie swaps, present wrapping parties - it doesn't matter what the occasion is as long as your closest friends stop by. Make sure you have a few nibblies on hand and have the bar basics at the ready. Check out our bar checklist to be sure you have the essentials. "My family has been doing a carol sing-a-long since I was a little girl and it's grown from neighbours and friends to [include] my brothers and I and all our friends," says Michelle a 31-year-old Toronto single. "It's cheesy, it's drunken, we all wear Christmas sweaters and sing our hearts out and I look forward to it every year." You don't have to plan a big bash, just a few friends and good conversation is all you need to erase any holiday blues.

Get some fresh air

Set your heart racing and the endorphins pumping with a little outdoor R'n'R. If the cutesy couples and smiling families at the local rink make you want to pull a Tonya Harding, venture no further than your backyard (or local park). Build a snow-ex and then knock it down. Sounds juvenile, right? Don't worry, it'll be our little secret. Moved past secret snow-based revenge? Head for the hills and a little tobogganing. F.Y.I, it's also a great way to meet guys: Chances are, you'll find more than a few single men reliving their sledding days. "I think this year my single friends and I are going to bring thermoses with Bailey's coffee to the park," says Alison, a 30-year-old Hamilton, ON single. "Last year the toboggan hill was crawling with groups of guys and I can only imagine what a little hot, laced coffee will add to the mix."

Listen @ 2:10 PM



Just something for the one i truly love..

A Song of Love

Hey, rose, just born
Twin to a thorn;
Was't so with you, O Love and Scorn?

Sweet eyes that smiled,
Now wet and wild:
O Eye and Tear- mother and child.

Well: Love and Pain
Be kinfolks twain;
Yet would, Oh would I could Love again.

Listen @ 12:52 AM



Dating Guide for 2009: Eight Steps to Finding True Love

2008 is winding down and New Year's Eve is coming fast. You'll blow the horns, make a few toasts. It'll be another New Year's party with no one you really want to kiss at midnight. Another lonely year staring you in the face.
But it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, 2009 can be the year you find the love of your life.
You can create the stuff of your dreams by making a simple shift that changes the way you date this year. You can make a resolution right now, right here as you read this dating guide, to find new love that is better than any relationship you have had before.
For singles, the chances of finding a mate could be better than ever! The average marriage now lasts under seven years, and this means new singles are coming on the scene all the time. In fact, around 16 million people are now using online dating in the U.S. You have a lot of singles to choose from.

So go on, make the affirmation. Something like, "I will find a mate who is just right for me." Here is an eight-step action plan that can make your resolution a reality in 2009:

1. Prioritize Finding Love.
Imagine if you didn't have a job. Looking for one would be your top priority. You would spend hours searching sites like Yahoo! Hotjobs, calling recruiters, and jumping on any leads.
In contrast, finding love ranks pretty low on your to-do list. You come home from work, run errands, call your friends, watch your favorite show, and maybe spend 15 minutes browsing your online dating site. Most singles are better at planning their weekend than planning their dating life.
Yet study after study has shown that relationships are treasured above all else when we reflect on what has meant the most in our lives. So make finding a mate a top priority.

2. Have a 'New You' Party.
Invite friends over for a New You party where they give you a makeover. Let them go through your clothes, getting rid of unflattering stuff and putting together some hot new looks for you. Find a look that makes you feel great.
Tell your friends you are looking to meet someone special. Email the same message to any other buddies who did not make the party.

3. Work Your Online Dating Site.
Throw out your old photo and profile. Have a friend who is a good photographer take 100 headshots of you in order to get one that looks especially warm, attractive, and inviting. Get some opposite-sex friends to help you pick out the best photo and work on your dating profile.
After you post them, spend at least three hours a week looking around the site, sending and responding to messages, and connecting by phone and in person with people. Block out time in your daily calendar to work the site.

4. Go Where the Odds Are Better.
Sign up for two ongoing classes or activities that interest you and have lots of singles in them. Finance courses, rock climbing, golfing, snowboarding/skiing, and hiking are great for meeting single men. Single women are plentiful at cooking classes, yoga, and spirituality workshops.
Coed city sports teams are great and usually have an even mix of genders. Look into volunteering for a local or national political group. There are many other activities to consider, so search online, or go to www.meetup.com and peruse their groups.

5. Meet New People.
Say hello to three new men or women every day. Assuming you are in a safe or public place, make eye contact, smile, say hi or ask for some help. This is what I call the Marcia Cross Technique. Actress Marcia Cross was in her forties when she met her husband by chatting with him in a flower shop. She now is the ecstatic mother of twin baby girls.
You can start with saying hello to the less threatening types and work your way up to the ones who are "out of your league." You will be surprised how receptive the cuties can be!

6. Date Against Type.

“Most singles do not find love with the type of person they imagine for themselves.”

Most singles do not find love with the type of person they imagine for themselves. The guy who wants a petite blonde winds up with a brainy brunette. The woman who dates starving artists marries a rich, balding lawyer. Look at photos and profiles that you would ordinarily take a quick pass on. Try and experiment. You may be very happily surprised!

7. Go for a Second Date.
Even if you are not exactly blown away by a person on the first date, remember to stay open. You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his/her different sides. If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. Love almost always comes in a surprise package.

8. Open the Door.
If you do meet someone and have a really good time, send a quick text or email the next morning to let the person know that the door is open to getting together again. This is especially important for women to do. Write something specific about the date that points to the connection between the two of you or refers to something you both loved.

Now you have your love resolution and plan. Most importantly, commit to the first step and make finding a mate your top priority. Then follow the recommended program to create the love you want in the coming year. Chances are, by next New Year's Eve you'll be kissing the one you want.
Listen @ 11:22 PM




i wish...


I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted. Relief that I wasn’t the only newcomer here, and certainly not the most interesting by any standard. I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase if looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind. If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms. The look only lasted a second, but it chilled me more than the freezing wind. Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish. Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. A low oath made me aware that someone was with me, and the voice was impossible not to recognize. Two long, white hands shot out protectively in front of me, and the van shuddered to a stop a foot from my face, the large hands fitting providentially into a deep dent in the side of the van’s body. How did you get over here so fast? He unleashed the full, devastating power of his eyes on me, as if trying to communicate something crucial. Trust me. I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now. I could think of only one way to escape, and it involved hurting him so much that I hated myself for even considering it. But I had no time, and I had to keep him safe. I do like him — that’s the problem. I can’t do this anymore! I can’t put down any more roots here! I don’t want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like Mom! I’m not going to make the same dumb mistake she did. I hate it — I can’t stay here another minute! Are you sure it’s worth it? I’m afraid you’re going to have to make a choice. I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it. This couldn’t be heaven, could it? There was too much pain for that. t was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did. I must love you. I’m pretty crazy about him. He didn’t say anything; he watched my face warily as the pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, threatened to crush me. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me. I’ll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships. But it just seems logical… a man and woman have to be somewhat equal… as in, one of them can’t always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally. You are
my life. You’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.
Listen @ 11:42 AM



so sad..


Christmas is just around the corner but there are so much crisis happening in every part of the world now..that is so sad indeed.....I pray all of this will end real soon..

Here in the Philippines, i would say its worse sadly becuz people just wont rest with the whole "change the president" topic!! its so stupid! i mean why cnt they just let her ( the President) finish her term. instead of working as one country this country is joining as one to bring it down and they are even thinking of copying what Bangkok people are doing now closing down the airports and more rallies which i think is really dumb. yeah! i know everyone has their own views on the matter but freakly speaking, for a person who didnt grow up here i think what the poeple are doing are really a waste of time and money when everyone can actually use all these effort to actaully help the country grow that way no people will have to go far away from their families or outside the country to actually to find a job..a high paying job just to support their families which are left behind...but sadly not many people actually see this thats why there are still so much trouble. honestly speaking, the Philippines is such a beautiful place so many beautiful places & areas and the poeple are equally beuatiful but being too smart i guess just comes with a price here sadly...i wish i can so much but my headache is acting up again so that means i need to rest asap...

but before i go i just want to say this..."nothing beats our own land, a place where we truly belong therefore, its up to us to make it a much better place to live in. its all in our own hands if we want a better future for our children and their own children"


this is actually out of my own topic here but i just wanna say..i miss you even though i know i shouldnt be anymore...
Listen @ 12:16 AM