its been days since i last said "break up" with him...the event that really shake me and truly broke my heart. i never wanted it to be like this. i never wanted it to end this way but i thought he loves me enough to actually work on it again. fix it but alas he never did. instead i let my weak self take over my own thinking as a result make him think i was more at fault of this whole mess between us. it was so stupid in my part but can you just image the pain I'm going through right now. I'm in a country where i will hear songs which he once sing to me it hurts even more but for a person like him....i don't even think he actually feel anything at all. thats how he "loves" me...i felt such a stupid fool to fall for someone who i gave everything and my WHOLE heart to. he never gave me his heart because it belong to someone else..and i think he has not fully let her go yet..i was such a fool for not really believing what i see and hear because i believed he loves me but he just prove it all wrong because he left me here crying....heartless he is...but even if he is like this i still very much love him a lot but its different now...i have truly seen his true heart and i was never part of it.....you know i actually thought i can just move on without no trouble i mean he never love me enough right but I'm wrong because i do so its hard especially since i love him so much. everyone who has known us before saw how much i love him but he never see it..sadly.......so i had enough! i know it was me who said the final word but was it right to actually put the blame to me when the problem was not me alone but the both of us. he never see this. i took it in even if i should not be in the first place thats why it hurts even more. GOsh! how many times much i always let myself be hurt like this by guys like HIM! i don't blame love because it happened what should happen but everything can still be fix. as for what happen between us it seems its hard to be fix anymore..i know he did loved me before as for now, on what I'm seeing now.....his feelings for me was not even strong enough to try it again......ang sakit sobra! how could he be this cruel? how immature can he be?....yes i know he is going thought something in his life now. everyone has problems too but how come they can still fix all of them or at least find a solution to it pero why can't he? he told me once he will love me forever....what is really forever for him?is he really gonna let me go like this?.....its all bullshit! i hate him this much but still care a lot for him too. am i crazy? to allow myself be hurt like this. i know many people who care for me are really worry even my own family. I'm sorry everyone.....thank you for loving me this much. i know i will get this over soon not now but soon in the future...gosh! the future i remember how i always image myself with him and our own home with our children....so many dreams i have with him but now i know now he is not the one for me after all....so i should stop fixing this whole thing when he has moved on and maybe with someone new only he knows i don't wish to know anymore..whatever he is doing now that makes him happy I'm happy he is happy now. as for me, i will just do my best. it will be hard to forget everything...especially when all of them were my most happiness came from but i really cant have it anymore...because even thought my happiness was that i cant help but feel sad because he never felt that happy after all.....i will miss him so much but he never was mine after all....he belongs to the one that is in his heart now and its not me......"what hurts the most was being so close........watching you walk away...never knowing what could have been..." i never thought this song will be a song that will say a lot of what i feel now....i will not fight for something that is not worth fighting for anymore. i shouldn't force someone who has moved on. The memories i have with him will always be the most precious thing i only have left. maybe someday i can his friend but for now, he is a stranger who once had my heart and has let it go and break it. i wish him all the best and happiness. i pray too that his troubles will be over and finally grow up....