things now are different. in the past, i always look forward to go on a date with him or i always be by my cellphone waiting for his call or text messages. this is round its different. i still have calls and text messages from friends here but its not the same i guess. but im okie now. the last time we chatted on YM, he told me that he was sorry for everything. do you know how good it felt hearing those or seeing those from him after all this..but i guess it would be nice if he has said that way before that way it wouldn't hurt so much but i have forgiven him. ya maybe its too soon to say that but for me its ok already. i never stay mad at him even before. maybe i am just too kind for my own good. i really believe in forgiveness. its hard to forgive someone who has hurt us a lot but if you really love that person its not as hard as you think it will be. i still love him and think of him too but only there is it for me. i know i have to move on with my life. things are ok because i met new people and i kept in touch with my old friends too. it is really nice to be around people that i love and care a lot. i feel more happier now. i cry less too. whenever i see my baby pooh that he gave me i can't help but smile and remember all those happy times with him and things that we did together. i really miss those times. but those memories are memories now. i wish in my heart it can still come true but he has his own life and i have mine too. therefore, in his future there is no me in it....sad because that time when we were together i really thought this was it. i guess i should really stop hoping for a "happy-ending" in my life because those stuff only happens in books or movies but life is not all that happy ending type but hard and some cruel but there are times when it can really leave you speechless like what happen to this week. i was talking to a close friend way before when i was in still living in Singapore before. i just can't believe he still remembers me. we were talking a lot lately. he told me that he almost got married to his gf till the girl had a cold feet so their wedding was postpone.it was so sad. he told me he tried all he could but the girl just told him her feelings has change and if she goes through the whole wedding she will only be fooling herself and its not fair to him. he was so heart broken...i told him my story too how my heart was broken too. so everytime when its my turn to use the computer i know he will be waiting for me. he knows kc eh when i will be using my laptop and when my sister will be using it as well. he told me that sometimes the one that is meant for us is actually close by. so i jokey told him" ya those guys that i see peeing at the wall here they could be the one but not for me LOL.." he laughed. compare to what i went through his was so hard indeed so i try to cheer him up because i really missed him a lot since last time in high school days. he has change. he seems more mature now compare to the time when i always see him playing cards with some of our fellow classmates. i guess boys do grow up well i guess some hehe.. anyways, last night we actually chatted again. it was not my turn actually but i was checking my emails. then i saw him online. i buzz him =)
he buzz back at me. then we started to talk. he told me that he wished i didn't go to Thailand that time. i was puzzle by that so knowing myself i kept on asking why he said that he didn't really the answer for such a long time till i finally said i had to go because my brother's gf is online so he will be using the computer now. then suddenly he said, if you didn't go maybe its you and me at the church now married and you won't be this sad and hurt. i would have taken good care of you and i wouldn't make you cry like now........
i was so speechless by this......i didn't know if he is saying the truth or he is just pulling a real good joke on me....but he said its the truth...
i didn't know that he actually liked me before because he just pissing me off and i did gave him a punch because for being so inscentive towards the girls in class before. i actually remember i scolded him then gave him a good punch. he didn't bleed but he did get hurt. i didn't get called out by my teacher i just didn't see him for one week then. i guess i really did leave a good impression on him. i think. i told him thank you for saying that. then i said maybe if that did happen maybe i will be happy but i was already happy with my ex but i guess things happen for a reason. he said he understand it well.
