just this morning i had a long talk of my ex's ex ella. today is her birthday so i greet herand gave my wishes =) even thought she has once hurt me with her harsh words i got used to it. there are times when i believe everything she said but there are other times i just didnt really listen to her. but she is a friend but not close that is. i dont wish to be plastice about it. i knew what she said and how L insisted that she wont do such things...but that is past im over that... while i was chatting with her, i asked her since she knows L more than me should i give up or hold on? she said i should give up. actually, when she said that i felt my whole body just froze for how long i just dont know but the next thing i know i was answering "ya..." i want to talk to him but clearly the guy wont speak to me so i know what his answer is really. its okie. i know i should have done this a long time ago but my heart was just so stubborn talaga it still wants to hold on to it even if its really useless na...im so foolish really to actually believe that in the end it will be all better but in reality such things never happen. i just read too much of make believe that i made myself hope for something clearly it just cant be really so why force it when someone out there loves you too....ya i guess i should let myself be open to other people who will love me... anyways back to the chat that we had awhile ago.. she said what if she and lorenz gets back together again what would i feel and what would i do... i told what else can i do i mean he made his choose and he chose her....its understandable too she was his first love and im just the second one so of cuz he will choose her over me. i told her that and i said i will be sad but what else can i really do. if thats where he will be happy so be it..... then i asked her will she give what she has now she said no. but maybe if she has no child maybe...it clearly says alot that she, herself still loves L. Both of them love each other gosh i felt i was just the one stopping them before...i mean if i didnt come into the picture maybe just maybe they might actually end up together again.....what a fuck! i was played a fool talaga!!
but seriously what else can i really do....i know i cant make him i dont own him and i dnt own his heart from the start i guess but through it all it was the most wonderful feeling and i know no matter what i try to forget everything i just cnt because i know he will always be part of me..all that love and the moments i shared with him has finally come to an end like a story book i have come to the end of the cover. i wish i can return to the first page but it will never be the same because what is done can not be undone.....even if i still want too....