these few days i have been having this really bad headaches that i cant do my work well as a result its a little delay =( anyways, things are a little different again at home lately i mean my brother and his gf seems to be getting better or worse but bottom line they are still in talking terms. its funny because i honestly thought me and L will make it through it all cause if i compare ourselves with them we had so many chances to see and meet and even date but for them its only "behind the grass" heheim happy that they are still sort of together i know both of them love each other but because of someone. that same person just wnt stop hurting us ( my whole family) . its not fair that such people actually can be so up there enjoying while they just step on others like as if its alright to do so. i know that the bible said "love one other as i have loved you.." i know that verywell but why must they keep on hurting us when we NEVER do anything wrong. it all started back in Singapore..... but God has been good to my family really despite all this. too bad for me thought because i lost someone really dear to me becuase of those "blood suckers" who know nothing but hurt other people both in words and actions......i really miss him but i know i shouldnt anymore....im still praying for healing because all of this is so hard to bear but Thank God i have my family and friends and my faith though its really hard but im praying someday i will be okie and someday i can fix my broken heart....but the one thing that i used to hate but now my best friend will be time itself....i really hated time but now i understand that not everything can be deal with so harshly but you really need to think it hard and long and make yourself be aware of everything. its not easy because i want to fix it so much between us but he just give up...or did he? i wonder sometimes but i wish not to think about it because i know where i stand in his life after all...i know i will never forget him even if i try because he will always be part of my life....okie i better stop talking about him because i might not be able to sleep well again plus my head is hurting pa...i hope nothing is wrong with my brain really =( today, my bro and me went to our school to meet up with our PE2 teacher. we had our post test (midterm exam) we had to dance (ballet steps) it was not that hard but its not that easy too but at least we did it. we did well that our teacher told my brother that when there is a school event they will ask my brother to dance =) hehe im so happy for him =) he was so nerves but he made it through good for him indeed! then for our final test, we have to do ballroom dance plus the teacher will be video us while we dance! can you believe that?! me and my brother dancing the chacha or swing hehehe woah!! im so excited =D want to hear anything from me.....its so hard seriously....YOu know there are times i wish i can just text him or call him but thank God i m able to hold it good by not doing it because who knows maybe his new gf might not like it or he, himself doesntim just praying for more strenght and i always make myself busy but sadly there will be something that will always brings me back to him...from songs or something anything like numbers and when i do see or hear them it makes me miss him even more.......then i will always remember what his ex told me..that i should just "give up" because she knows him.........i guess... i think i better end this thinking about this will just make me sad plus my head is hurting again.. gosh! that Ian, who is courting me now. we were talking a few nights at wee hours and he told me that he loves me well i know he does but i told him if he is really true with what he is saying it i want him to prove it i told him that i dont want to believe in empty promises. if you really mean it just do it... then he told me that he knows and he said he does not wish to make me hope for something too because one when he finds a job overseas it will be a long distance relationship between us but he promised me though that no matter how far we will be he will find a way to get in touch with me. i know he will but there is this doubt because of what i went through before but im just lifting it all up to HIM. only he knows if he is the right one for me but for now i can say i like him i really do but not more than that as a friend really because...maybe when he finailly comes over and i mean him face to face then maybe i will know but for now i really miss talking to him alot. he is fun too talk with. okie i think i better stop really head is hurting somuch now.....besides i promise Gerald that i will sleep early today. he called just now and when i told him i was not feeling okie he told me i must sleep early ....hehehe i know its late now and plus my head hurts a lot. im so "pasaway" talaga sorry po....okie i think i better go now my head is hurting again eh...im actually talking to Marwin (my bestfren) now. he and i are just talking about the good old times hahaha stuff like before and to russell(old crush) matter hahaha okie im going now...till next blog..ouch! my head really hurts alot....i wish he is here with me...i really do......wish we could still......but....ya....