these two questions keeps hunting me because i know my heart wants to wait for him but my mind says just "GO!" i always hear the people around me telling me that if he really does love you he will do something..or some will say he is not worth all these and he does not deserve someone like you...he does not deserve your tears like this...but why is it even though it all makes sense but my stubborn heart just wont give up...am i really so stupid to actually believe that he will just come up to me and say that he cant live with me in his life...somehow that scenario does not seem or less likely might happen....i mean come on lets get this fact out the guy has MOVED ON...clearly that's what he has chosen to do for that i hate him so much without even thinking how i might feel esply since something did happen between us. I just wish he could be more responsible about it i mean he knows clearly that he was my first in everything but.....hay....one friend of mine said to me maybe we were just not meant to be....i guess we weren't after all.....to be honest, my heart just refuse to listen to it...i really have one stubborn heart talaga! hay..... but maybe it will get tired someday...i pray........i know he is going through a lot im not blind but i just hope this time he understand the real reason.....like i told him before i never wanted this to happen but he keeps thinking that its all my fault...i know im not perfect come on! i, myself, don't even like myself sometimes but i learn to change slowly and people accpet me for me bt sadly he didnt....i remember he once told me that its always about me me me me... but has he actually look at his own...okie enough with the whole blaming...the guy was not all that bad.. he was after all my first love and no matter what i do i know he will always be part of my life even if it hurts a lot.....maybe now he has found or maybe not or maybe that "extra" girl has finally thought of a way to get him at last who knows......if that what makes him happy.....i cant say any more...i know i will be hurt for sure because so fast and i gave so much plus i have the only thing that i know i cant take back...you know there are times when i wake up every morning after my morning prayer i would just break down in tears why beacuse i miss him a lot and i hate how he handle everything between us...how he didnt even thought how i would feel after all this. I know im stronger than this i know i am but why is it i just cant be happy again....no! i will be happy but i lose something the one thing that i wish i shared it with my true love...... i really thought that he was the one but i guess i was wrong.....as a result i feel so bad inside so dirty so cheap......i know its my fault too because i let myself be carry away with what i felt and i trusted him that everything that he said is true esply what he feelings were but i guess i was just so foolish to believe that forever and everlasting love was for me then....i believed too much... i wonder was everything that happen really the truth or was i just dreaming a really bad dream and that we are still actually together and those people who are trying to break us up can never do it because we are meant to be....
but you know i know this is the truth that its over and we are now living separate lives now.... would it kill if i say i miss him so much even if he does not anymore.......