i just never really thought that i will end up feeling that way when it happened. i felt like i was such a failure....i know i did all i could to make it work out even thought there were people who are hoping that it wouldn't work out which it did because the man who i thought was worth it just prove to me that he is so weak and just left me there to face everything by myself...to be honest, i almost went crazy...as in go mental on myself..i could sleep and eat well...my weight was decreasing it seems like a good thing but i sometimes feel so lost..and every second i will find myself crying in the room or in the restroom by myself.....i was so heartbroken that i couldn't control my own emotions....but yet HE is living it up there like as if nothing happen like no one got hurt........he thought wrong.....sadly, he didn't even thought of my own feelings when he just give up.....he thought of himself alone....i wish i can ask him in person why...why did he do this to me after all i gave from my whole heart?....now, he is with another person just like that as if he just got tired of me so that's that......... i dont like what has happen to me now? i used to be such a cheerful person and now...its like its been taken away from me who i was by someone guy who i gave my whole world to but just throw me aside like some used doll after being played at....but the ironic part of all of this i still have feelings for him and sadly i still miss him even thought i have told myself a thousand and one times its over....why did i hold on to someone like him who just let go of me even when i was still holding on to it?...he is so selfish......i hate him but i dont....its so confusing or i have really gone insane for loving someone as unworth as him.........
but i have let someone else in because i want to move on and simply forget all that has happen to me but thought he knows well that I'm still very much in pain he is willing to be there and by my friend someone who i know i can turn to that's what he says to me. i like him a lot now but I'm afraid to love him fully. he knows this but is still willing to wait. it made me wonder i wish i can turn back the time and had chosen him instead of my ex......because to my ex, i was nothing but a used doll....i guess he never did love me as much as i did i just wish my heart will understand this and stop loving him now......
but why do i still love him when its already over from the start?