i wish...
I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted. Relief that I wasn’t the only newcomer here, and certainly not the most interesting by any standard. I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase if looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind. If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms. The look only lasted a second, but it chilled me more than the freezing wind. Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish. Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. A low oath made me aware that someone was with me, and the voice was impossible not to recognize. Two long, white hands shot out protectively in front of me, and the van shuddered to a stop a foot from my face, the large hands fitting providentially into a deep dent in the side of the van’s body. How did you get over here so fast? He unleashed the full, devastating power of his eyes on me, as if trying to communicate something crucial. Trust me. I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now. I could think of only one way to escape, and it involved hurting him so much that I hated myself for even considering it. But I had no time, and I had to keep him safe. I do like him — that’s the problem. I can’t do this anymore! I can’t put down any more roots here! I don’t want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like Mom! I’m not going to make the same dumb mistake she did. I hate it — I can’t stay here another minute! Are you sure it’s worth it? I’m afraid you’re going to have to make a choice. I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it. This couldn’t be heaven, could it? There was too much pain for that. t was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did. I must love you. I’m pretty crazy about him. He didn’t say anything; he watched my face warily as the pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, threatened to crush me. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me. I’ll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships. But it just seems logical… a man and woman have to be somewhat equal… as in, one of them can’t always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally. You are
my life. You’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.