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Wednesday, June 3, 2009
there is one person in my life now who has been so dear to me. i met he long ago and till now we are still friends. our feelings have grown since then but the sad part is that he is far away. he is working while im still studying. he says he is not worth of me because looking at my life compare to his, he says he cant provide me with what i am having right now. then i wonder...its like i have heard someone said that to me before....yea..now i remember....then i wonder why would they say that?...is my life that high that its seem impossible to reach??? i honestly dont think so...God is simple good to my family and i but we too share some downs and even harder times...i wonder do they see that?...people see what they want others to be seen but the real truth is that our lives is not greater than what they have now. life is never easy so many hurts..saddness...fights....but it can also be a weird and wonderful expernice. its been this long everyone has moved on even he has with his true love....i thought he was for me but......maybe i was wrong along i mean i grew up dreaming of that one perfect person the right guy that it never cross my mind that what i read and what i watch does not exist but meer fraction to believe at. i was the fool in the end. sadly. i gave my best and all to the one i thought felt the same way or even thought of me as the one but i was just fooling myself in the end. it hurts. honestly, its not easy to forget but thanks to Pooh ( Ian) im getting there. i know i will never delet him completely because afterall he was part of my life too even though he was the one who broke it. i want to be so mean so bitch like do some really nasty stuff to him and the girl but i just cant. maybe i was just so kind or is that i care for his happiness more than mine that i just let him go....
thats all i can do...even though in my heart it seems wrong or is it?....all i want for him is to be happy and i know he has already found what he has been looking for..his real true love and only love...I'm happy for him but somehow tears just fall whenever i think of that but i know i have to be strong. Pooh, is really sweet. we actually decided to be in a unoffical relationship meaning no strings attch. if he finds someone else over there its okie with me and if i find someone here its okie for him too. HOnestly, i dont really know what else i can say about it. it seems wrong but it seems safe. i think. but lately, i noticed that i miss him alot compare to before and same goes to him. we actually talk about it. i told him its really childish this whole idea but when he said that till he has not talk and meet with my family in person it will never be true. but being myself, i debit with him till he said im really something and we just laugh. it was weird. i know sometimes i can be so bossy or pushy and even demanding but he is can handle me well enough. i guess thats what you get for being with a guy who is older and mature enough than me. i was really blessed. i felt God lend me to him let me grow up as well as forget. i learn so much from him. I really like him but i will wait for us if we are really might to be thats what he tell me too. he understand what i am going through now. He was with me during those dark moments of my life and he still is. He was actually the first one who said to me "he never really saw your worth. you are not the one to blame. you were true through out it all" "its better to have loved then to have never love at all" and "take it all as a lesson" i even remember those times when i cried to him so much and used him as mu punching bag. he didnt say anything. he just said just let it all out if it makes you happy and i did. i fight, punch, kick and even scolded him just for the sake of all mankind....despite all of that he stood by me when i needed someone so much...when i needed someone to just cry no reason but just cry becuase it hurts so much.....
i will forget it all and even those lies...i will not look back anymore...i was broken but still i have to say its alright, its ok im so much better without you i'm stronger now..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltnhk6O3-Zc ---> its alright, its ok my new song ^_^
Listen @ 8:10 PM
